Tolerating abuse
November 19th, 2007 by I.C.
The American way of life — and whatever it is that phrase means to you — is the reason America behaves the way it does on the world stage. Yes, it is technically true that it is America’s government, and not Americans themselves, that makes war on others and restricts domestic liberty. But it is also true that a government only behaves in ways that are acceptable to the people it claims to represent. “The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress” — a sentiment that is as true in Pakistan as it is in Zimbabwe or in England or in America.
And if the behavior of the American government is tolerated by the population, as it is today, we have to ask why. I think this is akin to asking why an abused spouse tolerates the indignities thrust upon him or her by an out-of-control partner. In some difficult way to comprehend, that abused spouse tolerates that type of unhealthy relationship because it is meeting a need of his in some way.
When that long suffering spouse goes to a therapist, he is counseled on the importance of confronting that need, examining it, and finding a healthier way to meet it, if in fact it is a need worth validating. But up until that time when he confronts this need of his, it is an unfortunate reality that such an individual will continue to seek out abusers, because there is a need that exists inside his mind which craves that abuse for some reason.
I am not blaming people who are abused by those more powerful. Surely a child or the mentally infirm do not seek out abuse. But it is a deep truth about life that all capable people, once they become adults, are responsible for their own happiness. And if an adult is in an abusive relationship, and tolerates abusive partners, we must understand the logic behind that. If we are to truly help that person, we have to understand where he or she is coming from — and for some reason, such an individual believes that he is no better than the abuse that is given to him.
When we talk about societies and their government, the same principles apply. For some reason, the American people at large believe they are no better than the abuse that is given to them. They tolerate the mismanagement of their resources, the destruction of liberties, unnecessary taxes and foreign wars because they think this is all they are worth.
They, like the abused spouse, believe they deserve this type of relationship for some reason. The relationship meets some need that a healthy government — one that took care of them, preserved their liberties, cultivated peace and good living — would be unable to provide.
A therapist might be able to pinpoint a person’s tolerance for an abusive personal relationship on a childhood experience, or low self-esteem. What, then, is the social equivalent that makes Americans tolerate an abusive government?
This is a very loaded question, filled with history, mythology, and values about what it means to be American. Maybe, fifty years from now, after some serious thinking, I or someone else might have a good answer to this. For the moment, I think the reason that Americans need an abusive government is because the actions of an abusive government make Americans, individually, feel more powerful. Americans, at this moment in history, need to feel more powerful over other people.
Americans are well aware by now of the actions of their government: bombing foreign countries, torturing Arabs in concentration camps, placing millions of people in jails here in America and engaging in domestic surveillance without warrants (not to mention refusing to help people in times of need, as with Hurricane Katrina). But they tolerate all these things because in the face of social dislocation, stress, monetary difficulties, credit problems, health care catastrophes and whatever is the crisis of the day, our government can still treat others even worse.
At the end of the day, the President can still push a button and blow up the planet. Americans, in some deep-seated way, are comforted by that.
This explains why President Bush has survived this long in office despite his litany of errors and abuses: Americans would never get rid of the one man on this planet who makes them feel in some way more powerful over others. It makes no difference how low his approval ratings are — after all, ask an abused spouse what the “approval rating” of his or her partner is, and you’d get a pretty low answer. Yet the phenomenon of the abused spouse who returns to the abuser is well known. Rationally, they know they are being treated poorly but emotionally they are lost and confused, conflicted by the repetitive pain of the unhealthy relationship and their oftentimes unconscious need to be with someone who will not respect them.
And so it is with the American people — conflicted by their desire to get rid of an obviously destructive President yet desirous of the sheer madness and violence that this man represents.
President Bush is the only man who can meet the need of the American populace right now to feel powerful, because he, unlike a sane, rational President, is willing to break the boundaries of civilized behavior to cause suffering to others. Rationally, we want Guantanamo closed, but emotionally we like the fact that it’s open. Guantanamo Bay and the torture inside meets a need of Americans to feel powerful — so the atrocities continue.
If Bush could stand for reelection, he would almost certainly win. Americans would run back to him, fully aware of what he would bring — as we did four years ago. He is a “war president” — a power president. He gives Americans what they want: a sense of power over others, over the enemy, over the chaos and darkness of a society bursting apart at the seams in every conceivable manner.
This, too, is why the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan continue unabated. True, Americans regret going to war, but if you ask any American on the street if they would want the war to continue if we could win in some way, and they would likely answer yes. What it means to “win”, of course, is never defined, but there is still some lingering hope that America can emerge more powerful than the downtrodden Iraqi savages who we ostensibly came to liberate. This hokum about “battling the terrorists in Iraq” is just an insecure way of saying that if we can fully occupy the country and create a monopoly of violence, we will have shown our power over others. Again, it is this unhealthy need to feel more powerful than others that is keeping us at war, and will continue to do so.
What then, is the prescription for change? The same prescription as for any individual caught in an unhealthy relationship: recognize the abuse, confront it, and end it. Americans have to accept the fact that they deserve a better relationship with their government. But in order to do that, they will have to confront this need to feel powerful, a need which is causing them to run to politicians who promise them power in the form of tyranny. Americans will have to tackle whatever insecurity it is that is producing this need and banish it. Then they will no longer have a need for politicians like George Bush, but can choose better leaders. They will no longer be guided by an unhealthy need.
Is this possible? It will have to be. Because as society continues to unravel — global warming, a declining dollar and sputtering economy, a disastrous war effort, a growing divide between rich and poor (truly the list is endless!) — this unhealthy need to feel more powerful over others will only continue to grow and expand. This will drive Americans into the arms of people who are are even more abusive, to Americans and to others. This means less liberty, fewer rights, more centralized power, and more war over others. An unhealthy need to feel power is creating tyranny in this country. And if this need is never confronted, then the worst has yet to even begin.
