Taking the good with the bad
April 2nd, 2007 by I.C.
Good and bad exist in all things, and they can never be separated. In every person, every object, every experience, there are things that someone both approves and disapproves of; but there is nothing in this universe that any human can say is exclusively good, or exclusively bad.
A man finds his perfect woman, yet he will still quarrel with her or find some trait lacking; a jobseeker obtains her dream job, yet there are still faults with the way the organization is run; a traveller encounters a place with absolute serenity, yet he will still experience pain and discomfort.
The good must exist with the bad — they are two sides of the same coin. We would not know good if we did not know bad. Yin cannot exist without Yang, nor the Christ without Satan.
What is good? Good are the things a person approves of. Bad are the things that a person does not approve of. How a person comes to know what to approve of and what not to approve of is the domain of ethics and religion. Socrates says this, Jesus says that, the Buddha counsels this, and so on. These philosophers and religious leaders taught some set of values that described the good and the bad in a certain way, and, over time, people began to follow their teachings.
It is deeply ironic, and also a source of great conflict and violence in the world, that people demand that their specific values on what is good and bad be seen as completely good. That is, the devout Muslim says that everything which came from the mouth of the Prophet is completely good, and this is why everyone in the world should follow the Prophet’s teaching on what is good and bad. The Christian says the same thing of Jesus, the Buddhist the same thing about the Buddha. They would take one person’s view’s on the good and the bad and declare them completely good. But nothing can be completely good. This is why such people, in their attempts to stifle their cognitive dissonance, turn to fanatacism and proceed to kill each other.
In all things in life, we must see the good and the bad. There is no such thing as the perfect parent, the perfect lover, the perfect child. All people contain flaws; no experience can match the ideal. When we see the good and the bad, we begin to see what is — to see how something truly exists in all of its complete glory. And there is beauty in that, because when we recognize what is, we look directly at the truth.
When we see what is, we spare ourselves the misery of disappointment. Disappointment comes about when we cling to an idea about something or someone which isn’t true. It is then inevitable that we will be disappointed. I believe the sun is not hot, that it cannot hurt me, so I stare at it — I am setting myself up for disappointment when I discover that by staring at the sun I have destroyed my eyesight. I believe that I can jump off a cliff and will sprout wings — I will be disappointed when I fall to my death. These are extreme examples. Much more common are the views that we oftentimes hold about people, relationships, objects, life itself, that just don’t adhere to reality. Then, we are inevitably disappointed.
Disappointment is bad enough, but what is worse is that it also leads to blame. Blame is the great evil of human existence, and in its wake are a multitude of demons. Blame says, “I am the victim, I am totally correct and totally helpless and I don’t deserve this, I really deserve that and I am going to be miserable until I get it.” Blame is what happens when a person clings to the fantasy that his or her false perception is the way the world should work. It is the masked person clinging to the mask and the darkness it brings instead of welcoming the daylight.
Blame is a great evil because when someone is blamed, that person will then go and blame someone else. It creates an endless cycle of victimhood. This is why the planet is about to be destroyed from environmental misuse and the nations of the earth stare at each other through the eye-pieces of nuclear weapons — it is always somebody elses’s fault.
No one is perfect, nor are any two person’s perceptions of things the same. I may think I am acting in a good manner; someone else sees my behavior and thinks the opposite. In the end, that is OK. It’s OK that there isn’t agreement about what is good and what is bad. Life goes on, and people will make do. In spite of all the greed, destruction and war that humans have inflicted upon each other, there is still love, dignity, and justice. There is still a sense compassion that resides within the hearts of the noble. That can never be wiped out, no matter the pesticides that are thrown on the spirits of the strong. These things can always be cultivated — but only if people want to cultivate them.
Every night, we retire and then a new day begins thereafter. It is enough to have survived. Our journey through this maze might be aided by the clarity of sight that comes with real vision — seeing the good with the bad, and not expecting any more than what is, not what we think ought to be. In such a manner, we might spare ourselves months, years, and even decades of unnecessary pain and anguish.
